Regret
by UnstoppableForce
Summary: Requiem tag. Things don't turn out so well after all. Major Gibbs angst. Slash - Gibbs/DiNozzo


_Disclaimer: No, I do not own NCIS._

_I think this one has been posted here before, but I'm not sure. Anyway, it's still on my LJ so I figured it may as well be posted here too. :)_

_Reviews are much appreciated._

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When everything had finally calmed down, Gibbs realised that he couldn't actually remember all that much after reversing the car into the water. He remembered Tony; he remembered trying to open the door but finding he couldn't; he remembered shoving Maddie at his lover through the windshield (but he couldn't remember that disappearing. Where did it go?); and for some reason, he could vaguely remember seeing Shannon and Kelly. It wasn't very clear though, his memory, so he couldn't be sure. He wasn't even sure that it was a real memory.

Once he was out of the water and breathing again though was a different matter. He could remember looking across the dock at Maddie, then glancing up at Tony, who looked like a drowned rat and was breathing hard; far too hard for Gibbs' liking. He'd tried to sit up to see to Tony, but found that he couldn't; he was too exhausted. He'd then been forced to watch helplessly as Tony's breathing got worse and worse; wondering if help was ever going to turn up. Tony's lips had started to turn blue as he desperately tried to get air into his already weak, strained lungs. It had in reality only taken a few seconds, but to Gibbs it had felt like hours as he watched his lover lose consciousness, collapsing sideways to land on him, trying to catch himself as he fell but failing miserably.

Gibbs had managed to move his arm then, managed to check Tony's pulse. He'd found one, but it was weak; the younger man was barely breathing, the few shallow breaths he took being raspy, pained. Still he heard no sirens. He remembered wondering if anyone actually knew that they were there, hoping that Tony, unlike himself, had told someone back at NCIS where he was going. Time seemed to go by so slowly, it seemed like days before he finally heard a siren, but he'd been told since that it hadn't been anywhere near that long; it had only been minutes.

It was a flurry of activity after that. EMT's checking on Maddie and taking her away, Tony being moved from where he lay, medics trying to get Gibbs onto a gurney but having no luck – Gibbs wasn't going anywhere without Tony – getting both of them into one bus; Gibbs sitting at the side with an oxygen mask, watching as Tony was worked on. He still hadn't regained consciousness, which had worried Gibbs.

Then they had arrived at the ER, and Tony was whisked away into trauma while Gibbs was shoved into a cubicle. A junior doctor checked him over, growling under his breath in annoyance when Gibbs shuffled on the bed again. He couldn't sit still; he was worried about Tony. The EMT's had been getting more and more frantic on their way to the hospital, and they wouldn't tell Gibbs why. He'd been sent to the waiting room, where he had found the rest of the team waiting, sans Ducky. Abby had hugged him, McGee had paced and Ziva had apologised, saying the Director was held up but would be there as soon as she could (Gibbs didn't really want her there, but he couldn't exactly say that, her being his boss and all).

After that, he sat there. He could see the team looking at him, see the worry on their faces, but he ignored it. He ignored it for the 2 and a half hours he sat there, unmoving. He ignored Jenny when she turned up, brushed off her attempted affections towards him (she really needed to get it into her head that he was with Tony, and therefore wasn't going back to her), completely ignored everyone, and nearly everything. All he was watching for was someone coming out of the trauma room Tony had been taken into, all those hours ago. He hadn't got up for coffee, had refused to drink any that anyone had presented to him. Tony was the only thing that was on his mind. He stared into space, thinking how he could have done things differently, then Tony wouldn't be in the mess he's in.

He looked up as the door to the trauma room opened.

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Gibbs relished the peace that the room gave him. As Tony's next of kin, he was the only one allowed in the younger man's room out of visiting hours for the ward he was on. He'd sent the rest of the team home; they'd be back in the morning to check up, possibly calling through the night. They'd done that when Tony had had the plague; various members of the team calling him up to check. Gibbs had heard rumours about a timetable when he'd swung by NCIS to check on the progress of the paperwork that he'd dumped on them. They'd been getting along just fine, getting more work done now that Tony wasn't there distracting them. The quality of the work however... wasn't quite as good as usual. Gibbs had never found out if that was because they had been worried about Tony, or if they'd simply missed his antics and therefore couldn't concentrate.

Gibbs was pulled from his reverie when a nurse popped her head through the door, silently asking if it was okay to come in and see to Tony. He nodded slightly, and she came in; checking tubes and monitors before directing a small smile at Gibbs.

He didn't smile back.

Instead, he looked up at the bed his lover lay on. The hissing of the ventilator; the bleeping of the monitors were all tuned out in his mind. Tony had gone into full respiratory arrest in the trauma room, his weak lungs had failed him due to the strain he'd put on them. He'd even flat-lined at one point apparently, but the doctors had brought him back. He was now on the ventilator. The hiss was creeping back into Gibbs' senses; he tried to ignore it but it got louder and louder in his mind; it was screaming at him now, so he closed his eyes, trying to ignore it. Slowly but surely it receded into the background, leaving Gibbs with nothing but his own thoughts once more. Gibbs placed his elbows on the bed, resting his arms in a position so that he could rest his chin on his hands. He gazed at Tony's face, not noticing the single tear that ran down his cheek.

_What have I done?_

_-Finis-_


End file.
